Uncharted Territory
by LReads
Summary: They enter a new phase of their relationship and it's equal parts wonderful and terrifying.


Lysander doesn't know how it happened, or even who started it, but he thinks it must have been Castiel, because there is no way he'd ever think to do this. Not that he hasn't wanted to, it's just that he's never had the courage to risk their friendship over what he would have thought to be a pipe dream. But regardless of how it came to be, he doesn't mind that it's happening in the least. One minute they're arriving back to his place after school, the next they're in his room together, kissing on the bed. He barely has time to think, to assess his feelings before he reacts and finds himself going along with it.

He never would have expected kissing Castiel to feel so pleasant; not that he'd spent an awful lot of time imagining what that would be like, honestly. But he would have imagined Castiel to be rougher, harsher than this. But he's surprisingly gentle, running his hands through the back of his hair and curling his fingers around the last strands at the base of his neck. The mattress creaks as Lysander leans closer and he feels how warm Castiel's body is against his, despite the fact that they've only just gotten inside from the cold. He can feel Castiel's heart beating against his chest and he notices how much faster his own heart is. Maybe Castiel is just more experienced and therefore less nervous, maybe he has unwavering faith in the quality of the lock in Lysander's bedroom door, or maybe Lysander is more invested in this than he thought.

Castiel pulls away first and Lysander is left feeling a little embarrassed. He feels no shame or guilt, but he's acutely aware that they're sitting on the edge of his bed with Leigh due home from work any minute now. He dodges eye contact in hope of saving himself from any potential awkwardness and wipes the corners of his mouth dry.

Castiel rises from the bed first, almost tripping over his jacket which had fallen to the floor during the height of their passion and palms at the back of his head anxiously. "Look, I should probably go now," he says, averting his gaze. "Leigh will be back soon, right ?" There's truth in his words, Lysander knows, but the way he avoids looking at him makes him wonder if he's embarrassed, if he regrets what they've just done. He'd seemed so confident a moment ago, where did that go ?

Lysander's not sure what to say. He has no prior experience in this area whatsoever, so he's not sure what the correct protocol is here. Is he supposed to thank Castiel, maybe leave him with a parting kiss on the cheek to let him know his affections were wanted and in fact he'd very much like to try this again ?

"Would practice at noon tomorrow suit you ?" he says, for lack of an alternative. Perhaps it's devious of him, or maybe it's just desperation, but he wants to make sure Castiel can't ignore him over the weekend and, knowing Castiel, it's entirely possible that he wouldn't show up to school on Monday either.

Castiel lingers in the doorway, thinking on it a moment. "Better make it two, it's a Saturday, I don't want to be up early."

"In most civilised societies, being up for noon isn't typically considered early." Lysander says, amused and honestly grateful that Castiel has no intention of shunning him.

Castiel grins, playing along. "It's all part of the rock 'n' roll lifestyle."

And just like that the air in the room seems a little lighter. They fall back into their usual routine and the uneasiness they felt dissipates with each passing second. They lapse into idle conversation about their music, school and at times, nothing at all. Their words flow comfortably and freely and the silences between them don't command a presence. It's all so effortless, exactly as it should be.

Before long, the street lights outside flicker on and Castiel figures he should get home soon if he wants to take Demon for a walk while there's still some light out. Lysander would prefer that he stay for dinner because he knows saying goodbye after an evening like they had will be hard.

And he's right.

Only it's not a difficulty born out of longing like he'd pictured. It's more like Castiel periodically remembers that he should be ashamed and adjusts his actions accordingly.

"You won't tell anyone, right ?" Castiel says as he heads out the door. It's said more like a fact than a question and Lysander catches a sense of urgency in his voice.

" I won't tell a soul." Lysander pauses, he knows Castiel doesn't want to hear anything more than that, but he wouldn't be a good friend if he didn't say something more. "Castiel, I understand if you regret it. I won't say-"

"I don't regret it." Castiel snaps, cutting across him. He takes a breath and repeats himself, calmer this time. "I don't regret it, it's just..." New ? Strange ? Terrifying ? All of the above ?

Castiel doesn't finish but Lysander nods in agreement anyway, he understands what Castiel is saying, even if he can't find the words himself. "I'm willing to keep this solely between us for as long as we need. If you still want this, that is." He's already such a private person, one more thing to keep to himself can't hurt.

"Of course I want this."

Those are the only words that need to be said. Fear is inevitable, but it'll be worth it as long as they're both on the same page.


End file.
